MIDSEASON ANALYSIS 2011

* HEROES ON EARTH *

SHWIINGS : The Shwiingmasters have done something rather unique this year. They have tied an 8 year old record of consecutive # 1 Power Rank weeks at 13. Why it is rare is that half of the total was established last year and he had to reinculcate the trend coming into 2011 with a brand new team {albeit most players have returned to the roster}. Along with this boon goes the joys of being in the hunt for his fifth playoff berth in six seasons; one of the finest trends we have seen in awhile. Not only is this in his "head"lights, he is on pace to shatter the Single Season Points Record by 57 [1815] that he himself set two years ago. No matter how the season will end, we are looking at our next living legend Hall Of Famer.

TROUBADOURS: Backing up a ROY honor with a firm threat for Comeback Owner of the Year is unheard of in our league. But yes we have our favorite burnt sienna herald assailing us with another lovely performance. He is not a juggler or dabbler in the fine arts yet it seems despite this charisma, an undercurrent of " Are they as really as tough as you think?" lingers. To this point of the stage performance, we have to say yes, because anyone avoiding the sophmore slump has to be good, especially when they are threatening the Most Points record as well.

ASSASSINS : Leaping off the Vatican building into a sweeping mob of angry .....wait ...this isn't the new Assassins Revelations [coming out Nov 15th], but I am here to reveal what amazing things Jim has been up to thus far. He has extended his personal Game Win Streak to 10 which ties 3rd best alltime and is mastering his division with a true tried-tandem of Brees & Foster. He is among the elite seeking to make it into the Top Ten in Most Points & challenging for his first COY award. For now, let's just call him Ezio Auditore da Firenze.

SLICKS : In his first Peytonless season since 1999...eerrrttttt! {tire lockup}..let's stop here. Since 1999? Are you friggin' serious?! Tom has had Manning for twelve solid years people. Let's do the talley in that span: 1 Championship, 5 playoffs, 6 winning seasons. Hmmmm....Was the Colts hero that important to Tom? It is enough to rank him 9th Best in Alltime QB Corp and we all know Indianapolis is suffering the effects. No, T-LAP is undergoing a stretch of bad luck, but he seems to be doing just fine with no "pain in the neck" withdrawals. Perhaps he can suck for Luck?

NIGHTSHADE : Right back in as the Master of the Suicide Tournament and his second COY award possibility, Alan is bidding for his 9th Playoffs in 14 years. Doing this all with a sudden change of Scheme philosophy in the TRI-TOSS, he has engineered a skant lineup into a revitalized perilous presage to peoples lives. Leader of the transactions as always, there were a few good ingredients out there that gave this man some dominating thrive.

NEWPORT JAZZ : It's really keen to see a franchise bloom to fruition from its early days of pedestrian tune up music. But somewhere along the way, Mike just got it. It helps that he possibly has the Best First Round Pick ever selected in Aaron Rodgers, but that was smart on his part to recognize that on DraftDay to begin with. He is now leading his favorite Division at the midway mark. Coming back from an 0-3 start to notch six straight wins, how dangerous do I think the Jazz are? Just ask Michael Scott!

* ZEROES OF DEARTH *

ADIRONDACK WOLVES : In his final year as Wolf Captain, Chris Johnson has juxtaposed this team into the throes of inconsistency. That being said, Jim is only a howl away from a battle at the top and there is still some fight left in him. Two things people should take into consideration: Jim has drafted in the most successful slot on DraftDay [#5] ; This franchise has won the championship every odd year since he joined the league in 2007.

TRANSFORMERS: I like it when owner rookie referrals actually pan out. Rich has fought hard to learn the most unique fantasy football system in the world and has done a fine job while flirting with ROY. It's hard to be down on him with such an unfortunate schedule thus far, but perhaps he needs to get hazed before he transforms into a true machine next year.

TWO IN THE BUSH : This may be the first time in league history that we have an owner that nobody knows!! Handpicked out of Texas from an online fantasy site, this Miami fan strangely never drafted or traded for his favorite player Reggie Bush. At first, I thought he was being pornographic or perhaps philosophic, but now I am totally confused where this is going. But Greg does hold the league record in number of words in his franchise name. That's pretty good despite the losing record, right?

LYCANTHROPES : I knnnoooowwwwww this guy is trying. I have heard he loses sleep at night pondering his strategies, but I have seen everything he does backfire thus far. Is it the wrong schemes, the reliant on an average QB, the hopes that his player talent will gel other than a one week venture? In the hardest division in the league, Geo has a lot of time to strategize about next years draftday. [Side Note: And how can we top this years funfest with the pedophiles, right?]

ROLLING ROCKHEADS : Wow. Absolutely no improvement and potentially vying for worst record ever. I smell "Rogues" territory here and a neverending trend of ROCK bottom. I really don't know how to help my oldest cousin on the Hight side. I really don't. I mean, I whipped his ass in whiffleball as kids and now I have to watch this bit of sadness.

LADYBUGS: This is where the enjoyment of writing this column stops because I am getting quite queasy watching this girl getting gradually worse every year. A nonchalant early season trade that is costing her 5 pts/game thus far and a sharp decline in her waiver wire aggression has once again dropped her into worst power team status. This may be her final swan song, so she better start bugging people before she buzzes off.

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid. Jon Stewart


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