SLICKS : Beginning a twelve year fantasy cycle anew, Tommy Boy has got to feel great spending 75% of the season as the # 1 Power Rank {as he did in 1998}. Holding a fragile points & allplay lead, he looks to establish a firm presence in a weak division. His # 1 pick is bouncing around the league like a greaser-style restaurant pinball unlike his namesake {isn't Moss supposed to stick to trees and have slow growth}? This chaos does nothing good for anybody, but Tom's knife throwing act looks fantastic so far. He is close to opening up the "Gates" to something awesome.

LYCANTHROPES : Either it's a Tom year or a George year, but in 2010, both brothers are showing their shtuff {sweet sweet shtuff..upward back-supported slow bicycle kick}. Even with a primed roster though, George is lying patiently in the shadows as the Assassins have cut their way into a tentative lead. Equipped with dangerous firepower at all key positions, Geo need only to slap through the plywood doors and the HarvestMoon division turns into a bloody mess with he as the probable victor.

SHWIINGS : It just goes to show you that real greatness will never diminish. TGal is fanciful at becoming the 2nd Best Record ever recorded. With all the stats Ground Control to Major Tom has put up in his short career, just imagine if he had actually spent at least 8 years in the league {he might be in the Hall Of Fame by now}! Nonetheless, he is juggling a fun QB controversy {20.1 per week} and putting the final nails into his pass receiving corp. A playoff spot is guaranteed.

ASSASSINS : Jim is $ 5 short of smashing the Alltime Seasonal Transaction Investments record {$80}. I am proud to at least witness his faithful desire to reformat his team each week {even if it's turning into the NY Yankees}. The only factor keeping him from his goal is luck, because he lets nothing get past him. A wildcard berth is definitely attainable.

TROUBADOURS: If you are going to introduce a rookie owner into the league, he should fit the qualifications of Scott Miller. Although not the best neophyte to statistically rank among the other first year greats, he has the intelligence to manage his roster the proper way and that is all you can really ask from a lute strummer these days. He is currently frontrunner for Rookie Of The Year honors with little competition.

NEWPORT JAZZ : I think Mike has finally found the right tune; like, let's say, Chuck Mangione's Feels So Good! The blowout contender for Comeback Owner Of The Year has worked his way into a Wildcard position with Philip Rivers being just ridiculous with QB yards. Mike needs to remember to keep ripping off terrific riffs and not stay too stagnant.


LADYBUGS: The girl has always held a mighty buzz, but it seems whatever division she lands in has the proper bug repellent. The airshow looks magnificent at times with WR's, OFF, & DEF going off, but the lack of effort to improve a running game over the first two months has limited her to a one trick pony {or "horse" fly}. She has solidified a proper QB corp, but more flowers should be eaten if she is to transform and properly compete.

ADIRONDACK WOLVES : Mr. canis lupus is trying to withstand seasonal extirpation and after dealing with the Shwiings last year, is somewhat used to being less than an apex predator. The gray wolf has supposedly been extinct in NY since 1893, but I think that with a little more lineup focus, Jim can reclaim his Championship territory.

NIGHTSHADE : Fresh off Hall Of Fame Induction, Alan rattled off six straight losses to start 2010. The Harvestmoon division has never been kind to him. Out of his eight franchise playoff appearances, zero have come from this particular division {0-3}. It's like a curse that needs a witchdoctor which can doctor the nasty lineup which he does continue to proctor. Good Job with the Suicide Tournament thus far though! {8-0}

NASTY NATES: Fresh off ROY, this franchise has literally turned nasty; not to the league mind you, but to himself. His player talents are topnotch, but listless management from overdue league payments, halfhearted drafting, and minimal correspondance has spun this franchise into the danger zone. Nate, by recent accounts, has lost heart this season, but it is not to late to turn things around fast. Two games out in his division, it's ridiculous to bury him, but NOW is the time to focus his might if he truly intends to.

ROLLING ROCKHEADS : I think Ted is playing like the typical rookie; holding strong to his draft picks and fearful of making any major moves until you get comfortable. I feel he has the strength to do major contusion damage in the final weeks of the season if he chooses, but he has to be mindful of his actual player productions instead of the early season player predictions which are now outdated.

DEAN MARTIN'S DESTROYERS : There is just NO excuse for acquiring lineup BYE weeks. If you manage your lineup at its most basic level, you should know when your players are actually setting foot on the field. How Joe has a .500 record is testament to the fantasy gods shining down on him from {insert religious choice of otherworld landmark}. No, you do not have Drew "Bees" {inside joke}, but you have good players and a lot of owners out there that care if you throw away games to their opponents in a final playoff run. Do not continue destroying Dean Martin's good name!

Mrs. Krabapple and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me. {Ralph Wiggum * Simpsons}

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