MIDSEASON ANALYSIS 2009

* STUFF OF LEGEND *

SHWIINGS : When it comes to fantasy greatness this year, there's Tom Gallagher and then everyone else. TGAL has the opportunity to redefine what team divinity truly is. On pace for a recording breaking 1790 alltime league points, this dedication to remain a 90's nostalgia figurehead has people covering their privates and twisting away in antsy frustration {like Garth sans Kim Bassinger in that new DirectTV commercial.} Of course we have seen many shots at this illustrious mark before, but when you are frontrunner for another MOY award, the spectator must respect the fact that this record is in serious jeopardy. The only nagging question is that this franchise is prone to debilitating second-half swoons.
He definitely must keep the Viagra at-the-ready.

ADIRONDACK WOLVES : The potent pack is back and that leaves Tom Brady the focal point of another potential record-shattering machine. I like the talent here, but I am afraid that to this point, I am not totally sold on exactly what direction this team is taking with the tightends. Two botched TE lineup submittals has cost this team TWO wins and that is hobbling when you are in the same division as the Shwiings and a defending champion. This team has always held a wildly unpredictable nature and if they can get it together managerially at Council Rock {Jungle Book reference}, a WILDcard bid is definitely worth howling over.

BIG DOG EXPRESS : The trademark of this franchise, from a bystander viewpoint, is that the owner drafts mediocre talent and selects scraps from the Free Agent heap in the last hours before Sunday kickoff. But those same bystanders would be sadly mistaken {how dare them}. Chuck's picks are penny-for-point one of the craftiess around and this expertise should not be denied. HOWEVER, this is where I express a vital flaw moving forward. Chuck's wide receiver production is averaging 6.4 per play. Not great stability for a division leader heading into the second half. With Cooley on the mend, there needs to be a more proactive strategy to secure another coveted playoff berth.

NASTY NATES: A rookie-of-the-year frontrunner in solid playoff contention. This is the second franchise in history to name a moniker after themselves, but who are we to judge until the smoke clears right? {BTW: The first guy claimed back to back titles anyhow.} Based on preseason interviews, Nate is the first pure West Coast coordinator to enter our league {versus an owner who transitions in and out based on yearly predilections.} His passcatcher love keeps him active on the waiver scene to snatch that final roster gem. He is irascible folks; just pure nefariousness happening.

ASSASSINS : Three solid straight wins put Jim back into the wildcard race and this also avoids the distasteful preliminary discussion involving owners holding the worst title defenses. Pushed into a tight corner early, the answer seems to be a deadly mission of transactions {currently leads the league} to counterbalance a subpar rushing attack. Flavor of the week Team Offense/ Defenses will certainly roll up the dollars on you, but perhaps this is how a saavy owner throws down the gauntlet to another fine season.

CHARLESTON BRUISERS: The honor here goes to Nick's Draftday selections on a very powerful WR corp to start the season off on the right foot. What I've seen since then is the absolute worst managerial showing in the history of the league after the first two months. In the chronicle of this leagues bad owners, it takes a lot of effort to be the worst too. Nick's excuse was an obvious lack of attention to BYE weeks based on late night partying, but to do this week after week? Unacceptable. Still, there is plenty of room for retribution, but he is anything from being the southern bully he says he is.

* STUFFING IN A HEN'S END *

LYCANTHROPES : Geo has dodged a silver bullet here and there with opponents not taking these guys out when they had the chance, but still, credit goes to wise scheme changes that at least shows care for his player talents. Player talents, that is, that looks vastly similar to George's worst season last year. He is now putting together a solid run at a division title that the other fellow owners seem to want to give away for free.

LADYBUGS: Left on the fantasy windshield spattered and dying, this little bug has crept her way back in as the current Wildcard leader with four straight wins. She has done it all under the radar as well with constant adjustments in her player personnel, but never having total confidence that she will succeed in any given week. BDE continues to be her archnemesis, but perhaps she will finally have her ladybug picnic in December that she deserved so much last year.

NEWPORT JAZZ : Being welcomed back into the league has not been music to this owners ears. Mike's ONE win thus far qualifies to be on pace for the 5th worst season record ever. With so many bad teams in the past deserving such, this roster doesn't hold the awful pedigree as an automatic noncontender. Just the same, there may be some relevance to taking bad luck on the chin as the swing of karma balances itself out in the universe {or so I'm told by my nine psychic mediums}.

SLICKS : Picking an absolute surefire first rounder has never been Tom's Forte, Wahhh Haa Haaa {drum bang boom}. But that doesn't mean that by having Peyton Manning on his roster, it shouldn't have guaranteed Tom more than one playoff appearance in the last six years {2005 only}. In 2009, we don't know who is going to step up and produce any given week because the range is mighty vast with his point totals. Perhaps last years Chad Ochostinkhole will give his WR corp the boost it needs to get out of the cellar.

NIGHTSHADE : It seems that the glory of this franchise has long since faded and what is left behind are only glimmers of hope to recapture the past. A gift of easiest schedule is still not enough to get Alan above .500, so unless his magic touch somehow surfaces, he is in for another hellish season.

GHOSTS : Can't even make yourself look respectable? Where is your damn spirit?

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. {Bertrand Russell}


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