MIDSEASON ANALYSIS
2006

* PRIMAL & STRONG *

PLAYMAKERS : There has never been a team with such potency and explosiveness like this through midseason. The makers are pounding the competition into submission with a Stinger-style offense that fully captures the essence of every starter on his roster. Beef's cockiness is in effect as he assures himself an early future playoff berth with a pace to score 1600 points. We better hope he takes a knee in the playoffs, because unless that occurs, we'll all be playing for scraps.

NIGHTSHADE : Keeping faithful to the best TE in the league {Gates}, this team is on another soulful search to claim a playoff position. Credited early as the only owner to stun Mr. Salvagni, Alan's fangs are out after missing the playoffs last year {first time in seven seasons} and ready to rip apart any who crosses his path. With arguably the best depth at RB, he is poised to emerge as a dark leader. The fact that he spends money to better his team doesn't hurt neither!

SLICKS : With a statistical lead in the Autumn Division, the dragsters have a reason to smile ....slightly. Skilled players dot every crevasse of weekly lineups and the drafts of untapped talent {Andre Johnson} has proven timely. Tom dabbled with the offensive schemes and made the right adjustments through BYE weeks. Will his age-old winning style fend off his competitors as the race to the wire begins? Well, let's call him James Dean for now...

BIG DOG EXPRESS : After a crash/burn at season's end last year, this franchise has refocused its effort from a run-heavy offense to a more balanced philosophy. The best runner in fantasy {LT2} heads this team in his explosion year and a wildcard credo is the main meal ticket of the day. Emphasis is now upon wins and not onto glory in which he seemed preoccupied with in his rookie campaign. Chuck should never be underestimated as he is the most read owner on sports that this league has ever had. Can he convert his stellar winning into something special?

RIVER RATS : We have a new rookie taking over the rodent population of our franchises. And, I must say, doing a good damn job at it! Joe scurried to a major lead in his division by winning the first 5 of 6 games and things looked bright {for a rat anyway}. He claimed early victories against a weak set of teams, but now is trapped in a musty mess, losing three straight games in as many weeks. Those close to him feel he is worrying about his team's effectiveness for the stretch run, but I think that this sneaky varmit will find a way to snatch the rotten tomato from his competitors when it counts.

X-MEN : Thus far, it is blatantly obvious this team is the victim of a tough schedule, because the muscled roster is definitely evident. On paper, there should be more wins involved with the talent drafted, but this is not the case. Can Dave engineer this team back on the right path? Forget Best Game for this year; time should be spend on revamping the roster and relaxing that stubborn mindset of his.

* STUMBLING ALONG *

B.A.'S BAD BOYS : First place in the Twilight bracket and you are considered a bad team? Well, let's just say that you are not a horrible team...you are just underachieving. I mean, how many more injured/resting players do you plan on running out onto the field here? Get your head out of your 1980's nostalgic ass and get focused!!!
Mr. T will pity the fool who can't win this lame duck division!

LIGHTNING : It really is hard to believe this franchise was once a contender a few seasons ago. The rosters continue to be littered with unproductive filler material and the trades continue to backfire from the front office. Again, I respect the attempts to catch lightning in a bottle with Vick & company, but at this point, he is running low on the AAA batteries.

PHANTOMS : It seems pretty evident that this eerie chap is the ultimate dividing line between the bad and the ridiculous teams any way you look at it. Pretty cool that he is beating up on his ghastly counterpart for bragging rights this year though.

EXECUTIONERS : Well, I suppose being close to .500 is a good sign, right? Right fellas? Who's with me!!!??
Yeah, I know...another miserable campaign. I'm sure Luke can make a good run at a winning record, but with the onslaught of powerful owners out there gunning for glory, he is virtually out of the race already. What's with the throwaway victories against the Ghost teams anyways? What was that nonsense about?! Damn!

LYCANTHROPES : A busted foot {Shaun Alexander} and this wolf is out of the hunt by mid-October. All together now kids {plays short tuned-note on harmonica as prep}, can we sing Poor Title Defense? Perhaps his uncomfortable draft day preambled this. I appreciate his efforts to rebuild his house of sticks with flavor of the week {namely Jets} draft pickups, but his year of glory in '05 feels almost like a forgotten dream now. Time to rebuild or play spoiler as the holidays approach.

GHOSTS : Are we allowed to put a toiletbowl on Casper?!! Is that allowed in the rule books?!
{Flips through the compendium rather thoughtfully}. Hmmm..... sure can!!!

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. {Ambrose Bierce}


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