MID-SEASON ANALYSIS
2003

* PIGSKIN IDOLS OF HOPE *

FREIGHT TRAINS : Team chemistry is the new philosophy in Bernie's household. By returning 67% of last year's playoff team, Decker and his kids have steamed ahead of the competitors on a bullet-train's agenda. Setting a course for his first title appearance, Priest Holmes is proudly laying the groundwork. Is this the year the orangemen win their first Championship? Wait....why does that phrase sound strangely familiar? {Syracuse}

SLICKS : Tom is definitely being conventional by having an outstanding first half despite the compulsion for the off-year that seems to plague him in even-numbered seasons. Franchising Peyton Manning has solidified the top of his lineup card for many years to come. Already this field general has smashed the old QB league record and the team controls an early capture of the Best Game crown. Could you be so unfaithful in doubting this Thomas?

HERKIMER HAMSTERS : Usually, little furry rodents don't run so well in this league {beavers, wombats}, but Dave Bunce has what those other rookie owners didn't: optimism. He is leading the weakest division and feeling begrudgingly confident that his little wheels will churn incessantly. I get frequent phone calls that seek the inner knowledge of the beloved commissioner and my advice is this: " Show no mercy to your enemies, for you shall receive none."
{Free pitcher of beer to the first owner who can identify that character quote from TTT}. I guess I have LOTR on my mind.

ROGUES : The curse of the Tim-bino. Okay rogueman, you have many fans out there rooting for you. They'd be happy with at least a winning season from the hard years that have plagued you. Do not pull a 2003 Cubs collapse. Hey Fred Hight, I see you behind those bushes with a Seymour For sainthood T-shirt!!

LYCANTHROPES : Some have claimed that this potent team has yet to emerge into their truely terrible form, but Most Points is a great indication for things to come. Firearm totin' Air McNair has been the official gunslinger of fantasy leagues across the nation and George's potent receivers have shown their badges of honor in the peak weeks of October. Is this the most feared team of the lot? If they can stay healthy, we will all soon find out.

NIGHTSHADE : Just wanted to mention that this team is fighting in a division with three other owners that have thirteen years of playoff experience between them all. If you can manage to grasp that mentally, you will realize that whoever comes out of this group, could well win the championship outright. Just wanted to clarify that when you see the division winner smiling with black and blues marks all over his body.

* BENDING OVER FOR THE SOAP *

TUGBOATS : I don't want to beat up on John too much. His morale is down from losing the mayoral campaign and well, the guy just fell apart on draftday, didn't he? Ha, ha... Anyway, he has four wins, looks strong with LT next year and we'll leave it at that.

JO-T.B. : Overriding observation centers on his poor yearly drafts, but when you consider the fine eye of Joe's pool selections, this manages to thwart the naysayers. The guy just never has a losing season. He is still a candidate for the title, but his point production might not do anything to put a smile on his face come Thanksgiving.

X-MEN : I commend David for coming out of semi-retirement and inheriting a horrible team staged by dysfunctional former owner Jack Jesmer. Much changing of the guard was had as Lovic looked for a few choice heroes to center his team. Many thinks he lacks patience to concentrate on player potential, but after three wins snatched out of ba-livion {as Mike Tyson likes to say}, I shake my head in mixed fascination. Can this penchant for magical victory continue?
Double his current point totals {not good} and figure that out for yourself.

EXECUTIONERS : Suddenly enthusiastic about our wonderful league, Luke joined with an anticipation for grandiose postseason glory. What he received, instead, is his neck firmly lying on the chopping block. Will these expensive pooldraft tastes suit him or will he have to die swiftly in order to face next year with revamped ideas and restructured strategies?

NEW YORK ALIENS : This franchise is just lost in deep space. Trades will do nothing if you can't gain momentum from them. I understand the desperation of it all though. Poor guy just wants to abduct some other talent because the current MVP clown is scaring him silly. If you look closely, this team with receive social security in a couple years.

LIGHTNING : Immediately after the FantasyBowl finale last December, Greg promised a major playoff run and he spent the whole offseason concocting a plan on which players to adopt. McNabb aside, what the hell happened??? This team is worse than when he didn't know what the frig he was doing last year!! Is it a family affair? Maybe, but all I care about is his league debts owed right now.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. {Churchill}


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