MIDSEASON ANALYSIS 2002

* BEASTS OF THE VALLEY *

TUGBOATS : The quickest transformation of any franchise in league history by going from paddleboat to luxury liner in less than a year's time. This battleship has cut through some rough currents, at times of his own cause, but while at the controls, he is suddenly leaving a slew of competitors in his wake. Will this team, one still in its' toddler stage, hold up? John is on pace for the 2nd-best point production ever and is acquiring an impressive winsteak to boot. A harbored thought suggests a definite playoff berth as long as the RB's are churning the waters.
Ahoy matey's! The S.S. Piseck is chugging through!!!!

NIGHTSHADE : Entering the year with the components in place for another title run, it was season of the witch while this team rattled off five straight significant victories. {A 6-0 'opening week' streak dating back to 1997 when the franchise was formally known as the Tempests.} McNabb and Marvin are shattering old team records as the squad is finally aiming towards the ultimate goal years in the making. Can a pair of "deuces" beat a full house in the second half?!

ROGUES : A knife strikes in the dark! A flash of twisted smile gleams off the blade as the competition is sliced away! Way to go Tim! I think you've finally found your way out of the bowels of hell and tasted a little of what most of the old-timers have experienced. Yes, exhibit cautious optimism, but the hooligans have already proven themselves by equaling the most wins thus far that he's ever had in one individual season. It's all bonus from here boss! Keep up the shadowplay!

SLICKS : A vintage team back on its' feet. His meretricious 23-12 first-half career record still sparkles. Skilled drafting has been a prime requisite for Tom and that can well lead to a 4th playoffs in five years. A weak division helps, but the career years of some of his players has been ultimate gloss in a sleek lineup.

SEA LIONS : Really hard to gauge this team as it bounces from great to fair in alternate weeks. Jack was smart to take a gamble on some questionable players in the draft and efficient pool picks have complemented his roster beautifully. He should be barking a song of success in the end, but must realize that every game counts. Letting down your guard with damaged lineup cards may send this silly seal whimpering on the rock of mediocrity.

LIGHTNING : Though finding his way to the preseason draft was awkward, this bolt of energy is striking the league hard with unpredictable, flashy players. Dazzling sparks snap through the sky as Greg tries to ground himself for a much-desired playoff berth. Right now, it's hard to monitor how much voltage this franchise actually has, but it's hard not to get charged over this rookie team.

* BEAT-UP IN AN ALLEY *

FREIGHT TRAINS : Unfortunately, this high-steamed machine has butt heads with the toughest schedule of the lot. Second in point production has indicated that there is more to come from this team once the opponents soften up down the stretch. Can this franchise produce their first winning record or will bad luck play a part at braking this pullman at the nearest station?

N.Y. ALIENS : This UFO was MIA on D-Day. Yet there is a whirl in the air as Mike puts together a competitively, inconsistent team bent on winning its' division by whatever means necessary. Extraterrestrial trashtalk could occur if other squads continue to abduct wins from his precious, grey fingers. While many see him as an eerie visitor to our league, he may continue to attack anyone underestimating his invasion of talent.

JO-T.B. : What is happening here!? Is this for real? Has Joe's run finally petered to a grisley gait? I guess everyone is entitled to an off-year, but for God's sakes, where is the vivaciousness!? He admits that his TD productions are down, but he warns naysayers to watch out in the second half. This should be interesting to see since this franchise owns the regular season with staunch habitualness the likes which compare to 'cruiser' taking every friday afternoon off from work.

LYCANTHROPES : This has been the worst followup by a championship team in league history. Most games aren't even competitive and it's back to square one with Eddie George continuing to provide the same problems that plagued George in 1998. I guess things are cyclical in his waning lockerroom.

GHOST TEAM oooohhhh WWWWEEEEEEEewwwwwww whhhheeewwww {eerie phantom music from those shaking Spencer Gift Halloween sound-senser bats.} Wow! Quite scary that this nameless fill-in can actually provide some spooky moments for some of our owners. This format predicted them 4 wins so I can't say anything bad about what was already expected. We should all just laugh at the people who fall victim. WHOO hoo ah HA HA!!!!

SANTA FE RENEGADES : The relocation hasn't added life to this severely, dismal franchise. In his fourth year, the owner has failed to alter the trend. Word out of Los Alamos is that if a .500 % is not conjured, this gypsy will move out with his Irish Travelers to an unknown setting never to be seen again. After all, the object is to swindle money, not be swindled themselves!

He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life. {Emerson}

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