FINAL ANALYSIS 2012

* A NOD TO THE GREATS *

SHWIINGS : It is a rare feat indeed to accomplish a playoff berth in the # 1 Draft slot and T-Gal has done just that! [and that includes enduring the eighth most brutal schedule in history]. AND throwing up a mound of seasonal points to tie his own record for fourth place all time is truly stunning, but it remains as noooo surprise. He has FOUR point records in the Top Five all in a six year span!!! The only erection-deflator in this montage is this franchise's trend at losing against the Assassins in the divisional playoffs [0-2] and there is definitely a rivalry beginning here where both teams have squared off at each other 4-4 lifetime. No doubt that Tom has big plans for 2013; he is currently one of two favorites heading into next season with serious accrued roster talent. Ray Rice is franchised at # 23 overall selection!

NIGHTSHADE : Climbing the power rankings to claim an eighth division title???! That is just sick! The closest owner has half that much success and Alan sports ten playoff appearances in fifteen years and that spells of apocalyptic witchcraft! Will he give others his secrets? What can others learn of his reticent and mystical ways??

ASSASSINS : The last half of the season sported a .500 record for these secretive killers, but a SECOND Championship Title was realized! All the statistics slipped in regards to being one of the greatest teams, but posting the 7th best Aggregate Points and maintaining one of the quickest rises to stardom in elite teams after only five years shows that Jim Gray is no plain color. He is probably one great season away from Hall Of Fame status and carrying Drew Brees into 2013 as a Franchised force will only expose his reputation as the fiercest man walking the shadows.

LIGHTNING : The selection of Adrian Peterson in the third round was probably one of the biggest boons any peripheral franchise had at enhancing oneself in league history. This set the pace for Greg having his second best fantasy season after seven years of existence and brought back a bit of respectability to this organization. A midseason lineup slip-up did not stop him from making his second FantasyBowl appearance and hopefully a lot was learned. Going forward into 2013, this team is currently one of the premier favorites to win the championship.

NEWPORT JAZZ : Bad ownership that infects our league from time to time has unfortunately slayed Mike's title hopes yet a second year in a row [Rockheads...now Generals]. That is unfortunate as Mike was a great fringe team logging a place in Most Points history and was a runner-up both in COY and the Suicide tournament. His rule knowledge threatens to tarnish his reputation year after year, but he is still a steady owner streaming out the notes of Blues love.

TRANSFORMERS: Reflecting on his recent COY win, Rich is quick to note that he plans to protect Calvin Johnson after his record-setting 1964 yard season. [Megatron might have been listed in Top 10 Draft Selections of all time if not for his paltry 5 TD total]. Rich also becomes the second winner of the annual suicide tournament.

* DEADLY FATES *

TROUBADOURS: Scott fell back into a losing mindset as the missed opportunity on Adrian Peterson protection was probably the cruelest fate an owner ever encountered in this league. Forced to fight off opponents with the likes of tomato cans Beanie Wells and DeAngelo Williams. Eww...makes you want to shiver. So this is about where you'd expect this team to fall in general parallelistic relation in overall franchise talent...a ballad of average.

ADIRONDACK WOLVES : Jim follows up another back-to-back 8-6 winning season, but this time he fell short of any playoff hopes despite winning his final three games. He led a quiet existence this year clutching Ed "dolly-madison" to his bosom in high regard. He finally threatened a Winter Tournament title, but again fell short. Will Tom Brady, an MVP of yore, lead this team to a Trifecta of titles next year?

SLICKS : This franchise is in an utter standstill; stuck in a pensive, boggy existence. It has been ages it seems since we had spoken of the light blue glamour in a regard of solid fear. LeSean McCoy is coming upon a contract year so it remains to be seen if this centerpiece wants to sign on for another pedestrian run. Can he be an answer?

LYCANTHROPES : A .500 finish gives George a tie for 3rd worst finish power-wise in his personal franchise history. His position as a strong owner is still solid, but his reputation is starting to waver a bit. I must admit though that Geo is better at redrafting than coasting/analyzing a set team. His third Winter Tournament victory solidifies that.

GENERALS : This team revealed itself as non-ranked privates, not the feared leadership we were all expecting. The fact that this owner allowed a broken Thanksgiving lineup submittal exponentiate into Sunday, after numerous fellowship pleas from other owners, proves that this owner is mentally AWOL. I cannot excuse that so I gave Mike his

GHOSTS: A hauntingly, bad season. He didn't influence any of his invisible players to do well and he was virtually unseen in the managerial department. I think there is a conspiracy here...something with the Generals and UFO abductions...I don't know.

" The irony of religion is that because of its power to divert man to destructive courses, the world could actually come to an end. The plain fact is, religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge having key decisions made by religious people, by irrationalists, by those who would steer the ship of state not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken. George Bush prayed a lot about Iraq, but he didn't learn a lot about it. Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It's nothing to brag about. And those who preach faith, and enable and elevate it are our intellectual slaveholders, keeping mankind in a bondage to fantasy and nonsense that has spawned and justified so much lunacy and destruction. Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do. Most people would think it's wonderful when someone says, "I'm willing, Lord! I'll do whatever you want me to do!" Except that since there are no gods actually talking to us, that void is filled-in by people with their own corruptions and limitations and agendas. And anyone who tells you they know, they just KNOW what happens when you die, I promise you, you don't. How can I be so sure? Because I don't know, and you do not possess mental powers that I do not. The only appropriate attitude for man to have about the big questions is not the arrogant certitude that is the hallmark of religion, but doubt. DOUBT is humble, and that's what man needs to be, considering that human history is just a litany of getting shit dead wrong. This is why rational people, anti-religionists, must end their timidity and come out of the closet and assert themselves. And those who consider themselves only moderately religious really need to look in the mirror and realize that the solace and comfort that religion brings you comes at a terrible price. If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest. To do otherwise is to be an enabler, a mafia wife, for the true devils of extremism that draw their legitimacy from the billions of their fellow travelers. If the world does come to an end here, or wherever, or if it limps into the future, decimated by the effects of religion-inspired nuclear terrorism, let's remember what the real problem was. We learned how to precipitate mass death before we got past the neurological disorder of wishing for it. That's it. Grow up or die.
* Bill Maher * Final Monologue 2008, Religulous


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