FINAL ANALYSIS 2001

* KINGS OF THE KILL *

X-MEN : A funny year. I could say he never capitalized on the key games he needed, but that would just take away from the remarkability of this franchise on a whole. He acclaims hidden excellence by maintaining an average club and never really has that horrible year that shatters ones confidence. Yet, he never quite seeks the spotlight, either. Things look promising in the future once he realigns his drafting strategies.

COOPERS : Talk about underachieving! This team seemed to have it all in October: the numbers, the momentum, the bitchy attitude.... But from there, JAGS let it all fall away into a sorry bloodletting of himself. Horribly fun to behold {truth be told}. Others often said he played his roster very wrong and could have made an impact if his mind were in the game. Maybe his sarcastic temper tantrums clouded his vision.

SHWIINGS: "And the man danced effortlessly as the first of the winter winds glided past his sturdy bonds..."
In other words, pure poetry. T-Gal relaxed the final month of the schedule capitalizing upon a weak division, as half the other teams toiled laborously for a playoff spot. It was almost as if the color green brings a harbinger of Irish luck to this league.
T-Galiban seems too stubborn a competitor when he defied all those stiff rookie playoff odds.

SEA LIONS : Without intenting to hurt Jack's feelings and pouring sea salt into an open wound, simply put, a noncall-in of Jason Elam on Thanksgiving cost this franchise a #2 seeded playoff berth this season. Yes Mr. Jesmer, suck on a fudgicle to get that nasty taste out of your mouth. That said, you really did a hell of a nice job with your sophmore team and you definitely should be feared next year.

NIGHTSHADE : Three straight playoff years and counting!! Many avenues didn't ring true to the owner's intention on the season, but he has never faced a losing season yet. Something wicked this way comes and it hunts for thee!!! See you next year for another try!

JO-T.B. : The only team {circa 1998} that has been to the playoffs every single year {four}!!! As Joe often implies, " A smart owner should always make the playoffs; after that, it's anyone's guess." True paraphrasing, but he is flawed, in many respects, to a consistant, nagging postseason demise. It's hard to tell if this is a real curse {even faced with last year's championship}, but I guess if you break even in this league, you are already a winner.

* FOOLS ON THE HILL *

TUGBOATS :
WELCOME TO LOSERVILLE; Population: John Piseck

LYCANTHROPES : No more hiding in dark caves and thinking self-depricating thoughts. George LaPorte has done it!!! He is the FantasyBowl IV Champion!!!!! Although not the first and strongest wildcard team to do it, he has taken his stand on the moondappled mound of glory and unleashed a true call of the wild!!! OWWWOOOOOOWOOOOOWWOOOOOO!!!! {cough, hack} OOOWWOOOOOOOO!! His eyes are fiery fierce, his rippling wolfflesh is pumped, his fevered breath is spiked with the scent of a virgin kill. And he is the true monster of 2001!!!!!!! OOWWWWWWOOOOOOO!!!!

FREIGHT TRAINS : ANOTHER TRAIN WRECK IN NY: NEWS AT ELEVEN!
Another gruesome train wreck has occurred; exactly one year to the month of the last. Many lives and dreams were lost as the caboose known only as 'Bernie's Blunder' derailed shortly after it left Mike LaPorte's depot On Sept 1. The engines seemed to pick up steam, however, after it fled the ill-lain tracks. Onlookers say the train cranked out many yards on the green turf {Priest Holmes} before crashing into a few trees and fell apart {Aaron Brooks}. The mechanical remains will be looked at in the months ahead and the future of these trains exiting out of Deckertown will be closely scrutinized.

SANTA FE RENEGADES : As I shake my head at another sad season in the hands of a whimsical owner, I can at least say the effort put forward this year was the best I've seen him do. Next season he plans to have a winning record.
Hey, even a crazy man can have dreams can't he?

SLICKS : Upon my yearly audit, I noticed a swaying trend with this franchise: it swings from good to bad, good to bad, every other season. Look up those numbers and see for yourself. This obviously was Tom's worst statistical year and, if there was any oxygen in the polluted river, it was this: he still has never posted a losing season. I think 2002 will yo-yo this team back into the playoff pack and perhaps he'll admit that this lost year was potentially an odd fluke.

ROGUES : " They're creepy and they're kooky, mysterious and spooky, they're all together ooky, the Seymour Fam-il-y..da,da,da,da {snap, snap},da,da,da,DA {snap,snap}, da,da,da,DA,da,da,da,DA,da,da,da,DA {snap,snap}!"
Tim's house next year for more taunting! Can't wait!

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.


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